A Full Circle

When was the last time you took a good look at your life and asked youself; did I just do a full circle? I've done that recently. I'm some of you have as well. As I hinted at in prior posts, my belief system did a 180, then did another 180. Kind of made my head spin a little. I grew up in a Catholic family, although never really practiced it. Then at some point I got drawn into the Occult. I would go to the local Occult store -which was conveniently close to my house - and browse all the different books on magic, spells and more. It was a dark time in my life and I sometimes wonder whether that had anything to do with my decision to head down that path. After a few years, I made a conscious decision to head down a different path. I decided that I would place my faith in a supreme being. Not the Christian God, but an all encompassing being none the less. I thought I had it all figured out. I was happy, prayed every night and all was good. Then 2009 happened. This was the year, on my birthday to make it even more interesting, that made me do another 180 turn. I had lost faith in the faith that I had envisioned. I was once again disillusioned. For a while, I did what most people would have done in my shoes, I turned to the Occult once again. Although this time I didn't get into it with as much vigor as the last time, I am still on that path in a way. I don't go to the local Occult store like I used to before, but I still go once in a while. This time, the difference is that I came to a realization that all along, I have denied my true self. Didn't matter which path I took. This time, I have chosen my own path once again, but on the opposite end of the spectrum. I have chosen the dark path. Just to clarify, the dark path does not mean that I have decided to be evil, it just means that I am embracing the dark side of life. I've always enjoyed a good horror movie and novel. But it also means that when I pray, I pray to the other end of the spectrum. I don't wish anyone harm, I would much rather just be left to my own devices. I don't pretend to know everything that there is to know about the path I have chosen, I am still new to it. This is a life long journey and one filled with new revelations as time goes on. And I'll admit that on occasion, when things don't quite go my way, I question whether I made the right decision, and maybe this is part of the ups and downs associated with making such a decision. Only time will tell. Have you ever been through something similar? Leave your comments below and let me know how you got through it. Dorrian